Let me tell you about my sons and their teenage friends. They love to sit and talk. They love to just "hang out" at my house. Several of them especially love to get down on the floor and play gentle games with Caden. They range in age from 16 to 19 and none of them, not one, has a girlfriend. They don't even talk about girls. In fact, they are slightly terrified of girls. I know, because I eavesdrop. They talk about food, movies and video games.
But this is what I see on facebook and on blogs:
In other words, teenage boys are horrible creatures that should be shot.
Teenage boys are also punks with earrings and spiky hair.I know these are supposed to be funny, but what if I wore a shirt that was derogatory towards teenage girls? I don't even think there is such a thing, actually. There's a double standard in today's society. Teen boys are dangerous and can't control themselves around girls. Grown men are stupid and incapable (just watch any sitcom).
And what are we teaching our teen girls? That boys are not to be trusted? That they are inherently evil? That they are dangerous and scary because they have penises? I ran into one comment from a teenage girl during my research that read, "When my dad says all boys want from me is sex it makes me feel worthless and like I don't have anything else to offer."
I also read a comment on facebook by a woman who has a young boy and a girl. She said in her comment that she is teaching her daughter to be wary of boys and her son to respect women. It sounds good, right? My reply was this:
"So, you are teaching your daughter that she is someone worthy of being respected, and your son that he is worthy of being feared."
She was not happy with my comment. I didn't care.
Now I know what some of you are thinking. You are thinking that my sons are not the norm. This may be true... I happen to think they are exceptional of course. So I went in search of some studies. Here's what I found:
I found that teen girls drive more aggressively than boys:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704866204575224110235731780.html
I found that teen girls are more likely to have risky sex than teen boys:
http://healthland.time.com/2010/11/09/study-teen-girls-more-likely-to-have-risky-sex-than-teen-boys/
I found that more teen girls than teen boys (but only slightly more) are likely to have sex before getting married:
According to a report in the New York Times, 43 percent of unmarried teen girls and 42 percent of unmarried teen boys have had sex at least once.
I found that teen girls are becoming more and more aggressive: (The author of this article found this out when he wrote a book about how to protect his 4 daughters from boys... he found that aggressiveness in teenage girls is a huge problem in today's society).
http://www.familylife.com/site/apps/nlnet/content3.aspx?c=dnJHKLNnFoG&b=3576173&ct=5083925
I also found that teenage boys really do eat a lot! ;)
http://www.reuters.com/article/2010/06/15/us-teenage-boys-idUSTRE65E3ZA20100615
I am not writing this article to "put down" teenage girls or to say that all teen boys are innocent and never think about sex. Of course, that is not true! Girls should absolutely be wary of aggressive teen boys, and date rape is still far more common when it is the boy raping the girl. But teen boys that act this way are a very small minority -- although you wouldn't know it by the way the media and even people I know and love act.
I am writing this because as a mom, I am tired of ALL teen boys being painted with a brush dripping with negative paint. I hope that, when my boys DO begin dating, they can find a young woman who hasn't been taught ahead of time that my sons are inherently dangerous, that they can't control themselves, or that they only have one thing on their minds.
Because you know what? If they do have one thing on their minds...it's probably food!
7 comments:
***LIKE***
Totally agree. My boy is about to turn 15 and it sounds like he would totally fit in with your boys and their friends. Computer games, sci-fi, movies... and no discussion of girls! And I am SO okay with that! I think as a society we push our kids way too hard into relationships. We joke with little kids "Oh is she your GIRLFRIEND?" ... and with teen boys we do a lot of wink wink nudge nudge and imply they SHOULD be thinking about girls/sex all the time. Maybe WE are the ones with the problem! (apparently I have a bit of a soapbox on this issue too!)
YES! I totally AGREE with this - all of it! Thanks for saying what so many boy-moms feel, but are "not allowed" to say.
You are right! I love knowing that there are good boys/young men out there like your guys.
Teen girls have become increasingly more aggressive and sexualized thanks to the influence of our media and celebrity culture.
Love this April... I'm not a mom and so I don't have that perspective but when I taught teen boys and the teen boys I currently coach... well, I found that even the ones who talked a lot about sex and girls... they were terrified of it in reality. And truth be told, kids are kids at the end of the day and why is it that we aren't busy just teaching them all to RESPECT themselves and others?! It should never be about one gender deserving it more than others... that's almost like saying one language, one culture, one race deserves more respect than others... aren't we ALL humans at the end of the day? Shouldn't we all be treated with respect and kindness? I wonder what that world would look like?
Just stumbled upon your blog and I can't wait to read more!
I too have 3 boys, all under the age of 5. I found this post thought-provoking. I already feel the stereotypes against my boys- even as young as they are, we are the neighborhood's "crazy boy family"- why? Because they are active and run and play? I can only imagine what the teen years will bring.
What I think is so sad is that we, as a society, feel the need to sexualize our boys (and our girls) at such an early age. We make assumptions about them and ambush them with these expectations far before they are ready to even understand them. What happened to innocence?
Thank you for this. I will share with my husband.
loved your post even i was thinking all boys are not bad its just we girls need to be smart to choose a decent boy as i am a teenage girl i can say that all girls are not good and decent same way all boys are not good and decent so we need to choose smart :)
I'm a 15 year old girl from Australia and I've never had a boyfriend. I don't wear make-up or provocative clothing. Hell, I don't even own a dress other than my school uniform. I'm not ugly (I hope) or fat (not to descriminate or anything), the thing is, teenage boys just don't interest me. I agree that teens are being bombarded with all these expectations with sex and stuff, and how they think they have to grow up so quickly and I know not all girls are sweet and lovely. But I think the reason many girls like me don't have boyfriends is because from what I hear on the bus (I go to an all girls school) and on the street, a lot of teen boys just aren't interesting. I'm sure your children are charming and intelligent but like you said, they talked about movies, food and video games. Many girls really aren't interested in that. Well, I guess only the girls a young man would WANT to be asssociated with. Not saying that I amd worth because I'm so great, I just think that 'fear' of teen boys isn't the reason for girls not having boy-friends. The stuff you see on facebook and read about and all the stereotyping is only from a very small minority of people. You see, MOST teens are aren't scared of the opposite sex because MOST teens aren't 'aggresive' girls of 'dangerous' boys. They just have no interest. Or they're just terrified of rejection. Adults (not all) often stereotype teens as immature and stupid and careless. I know the girls at my school are often seen as screamy, whiney 'desperate for boys' girls but many of them are much more interested in why education these days resembles that of a suagage factory, or what music they're interested in, or why adults seem so stupid all the time, or how drop-dead gorgeous Bradley Cooper is (or some other hot female actress/singer). What I'm trying to say is that all a lot of teens are looking for is someone they can have an interesting conversation with, someone who shares their interests, not someone to ravage or make-out with or have sex with or... I don't know, flirt the hell out of each other. I think parents and teahcers and adults all around need to realise that about half the population of teens are actually very smart and know what they're talking about. What ought to happen is they should listen to what we have to say, as people who haven't been bogged down by money and jobs and a comfortable life. As the new generation, I think our minds should be nurtured, not beaten down with useless facts and skills about getting a job and living a conformist life. Teenagers are much more developed than their stereotype.
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